Sunday, February 14, 2010

Clearly, he thought it was going to be silent, but oh no.

UIC Pavilion
Chicago, IL
I came here on a Friday night for the roller derby. Who the hell knew that was still going on? It was great. They had 4 matches with 4 teams. The place was spotless. I can't say the same for the people. The biggest bunch of jackasses ever. Again this only happens to me. Every 10 frickin minutes, the row in front of me would get up because one of them had to do something. The whole place was sitting down and watching the derby. Not these fuckers. Pizza, fart. Beer, fart. Pretzels, fart. Nachos, fart. Piss, fart. After the 6th or 12th time I had enough and went up top. The view was actually better up there. And you wonder why people saw each other down.

City Tavern
Philadelphia, PA
Funny story. Last time we were at City Tavern, we had just experienced a lull in the conversation when my oh-so-classy fiance let out with the loudest fart I have EVER heard. The look on his face was priceless. Clearly, he thought it was going to be silent, but oh no. It most definitely was not silent. Luckily, we had already paid, because we booked it out of there real fast after that.

Cafe Luna
Washington D.C.
We walked in last night and headed for a table in the back. I was hit with a strong odor of poo. Seriously, like a porta potty. You know how it's polite to not say something when someone farts? Well, I didn't at first, but wondered how other diners could be eating with that smell all over them. We ordered beers. When I was sure that it could not be some monster fart, I asked my partner if he could smell it. He did, and was trying not to gag. We chugged our beers and ran out the door. Did the waitress do the right thing by not saying anything about the odor? Like "Hey I'm sorry about that poo poo smell, we're working on it and it will be gone soon. Let me start you with a glass of wine on the house." We might have stayed in that case. Now we are never coming back.

Monday, February 1, 2010

You see, I'm not shit shy.

Food 4-Less
Las Vegas, NV
"My friends and I shopped here for some alcohol to take back to our hotel room. I was in the middle of shopping, and I had to take a shit. You see, I'm not shit shy. I'll take one anywhere. Anyway, I had to go so I gave my friends money for my portion of the liquor and headed for the restrooms. I have to say, the restrooms were actually very clean for a grocery store. I did my do, or doo doo (shall I say) and left. I was pleasantly surprised by my bathroom experience there.

Great place to shop and shit. :)"

Las Vegas, NV
"where's my wine ? 'sorry sir, i put the order in but the bartender is ignoring me - i 'll get the manager to have him open a bottle.' Don't bother as i look over and i see the bartender making time with a blonde bim(bo). finally order the chocolate molten cake. 'just so you know, it takes 15-20 minutes' huuh ?? thanks for the heads up. we order the churros instead - i wish we had our camera! the pile of churros are arranged like its a PILE OF SHIT !!! I can't lie, it was decent shit, but i told the server, you may want to 'straighten' out the churros, he looked at it, chuckled and said he will inform the chef. about the only laugh i had all night."

"So you have a crappy seafood restaurant that fails miserably. What do you do? Add tapas to the menu!"