Sunday, February 14, 2010

Clearly, he thought it was going to be silent, but oh no.

UIC Pavilion
Chicago, IL
I came here on a Friday night for the roller derby. Who the hell knew that was still going on? It was great. They had 4 matches with 4 teams. The place was spotless. I can't say the same for the people. The biggest bunch of jackasses ever. Again this only happens to me. Every 10 frickin minutes, the row in front of me would get up because one of them had to do something. The whole place was sitting down and watching the derby. Not these fuckers. Pizza, fart. Beer, fart. Pretzels, fart. Nachos, fart. Piss, fart. After the 6th or 12th time I had enough and went up top. The view was actually better up there. And you wonder why people saw each other down.

City Tavern
Philadelphia, PA
Funny story. Last time we were at City Tavern, we had just experienced a lull in the conversation when my oh-so-classy fiance let out with the loudest fart I have EVER heard. The look on his face was priceless. Clearly, he thought it was going to be silent, but oh no. It most definitely was not silent. Luckily, we had already paid, because we booked it out of there real fast after that.

Cafe Luna
Washington D.C.
We walked in last night and headed for a table in the back. I was hit with a strong odor of poo. Seriously, like a porta potty. You know how it's polite to not say something when someone farts? Well, I didn't at first, but wondered how other diners could be eating with that smell all over them. We ordered beers. When I was sure that it could not be some monster fart, I asked my partner if he could smell it. He did, and was trying not to gag. We chugged our beers and ran out the door. Did the waitress do the right thing by not saying anything about the odor? Like "Hey I'm sorry about that poo poo smell, we're working on it and it will be gone soon. Let me start you with a glass of wine on the house." We might have stayed in that case. Now we are never coming back.

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