SERIOUSLY, FOXY MAMA, LAY THAT COOL STUFF ON ME.

Cool Stuff Food & Tobacco
Chicago, IL
"The first time I saw the sign I almost fell off my bike with excitement. 'Cool stuff?!' I shouted, out loud, 'That's exactly the kind of shit I'm into!' I mean, you have to admit, cool stuff is pretty f'ing sweet. It's cooler than sweet stuff, right? Except when they're the same thing. But you get the idea. I am totally into cool stuff. So I go in, all like, 'What's up babe? Hit me up with some dope THINGS. Bring on the cool STUFF,' and the small, pleasant Arabic woman behind the counter stared at me nonplussed. I was all, 'SERIOUSLY, FOXY MAMA, LAY THAT COOL STUFF ON ME,' and she sort of shied away from me, probably because I'm so sexy."

Cowboy Cool
Austin, TX
"$220.00 FOR A FUCKING T-SHIRT!"




Hot Woks Cool Sushi
Chicago, IL
"Flavorless Woks Average Sushi?"

"Bleah. Nearly everyone with whom I was dining did not enjoy their respective meals. I should have sensed that lousiness awaited when it appeared we had been seated in the 'no-server section.' Started with the spring rolls. Maybe I'm crazy but I'm used to spring rolls not overloaded with cream cheese, instead concentrating on the vegetables and/or meat, and with the sauce on the side rather than drowning the rolls like Augustus Gloop tackling a plate of waffles with maple syrup. After a bite, nobody could stomach another piece."