Where the eff am I?

Fantasy Unlimited
Seattle, WA
The booths smell like crack (both ass and freebase varieties) and man-naise. And for god's sake, DON'T go in the theater.


Eros Boutique
Boston, MA
"Ever seen a bad car accident and couldn't look away? This is it. I needed some essentials and this happened to be the closest adult store within walking distance. I apologize to any and all blood relatives who read my reviews. When I first walked in I noticed the entire staircase/flooring was made of steel and smelled of lemon scented Mr. Clean. Where the eff am I? I made my way upstairs into a dark room lit only by a couple windows in front and neon lights on the walls. Ok.... I started walking through the shop - lions, and tigers, and bears OH MY. The woman behind the counter was friendly enough and left me alone - good - I don't want help. There was an awkward man in the corner. Um, halp? The selection of goods isn't extensive but some of them definitely caught my eye. Like that chair lingering over in the corner - ummm - no thanks."

"Note to shopper: if you pump up any of the rubber whosie-whatsits, don't forget to let the air out, or the clerk will yell at you in front of the other customers, and then you'll feel grosser than what the item is actually used for."