Monday, January 25, 2010

what a soggy bottom boy.

(Note from the Blog Editor: This guy, who goes by Spark V. should be in the comedy writing business. Maybe he is, I don't know. But I do know this: his Yelp reviews are pee-your-pants funny. This is a very small sampling of his brilliant material. Enjoy.)

White Castle
New York, NY
"sweet jesus.
what a soggy bottom boy.
the sliders look and smell the same going in as going out.
this particular location is disgusting.
covered in a thick layer of slime, grease, and general filth.
so awful.

Con Edison
"$203 bill?
i no think so.
we power our refrigerator, our computers, and an A/C maybe half the day.
at night we operate almost entirely on candle light -
spare bedside lamp for reading occasionally, though mostly we read during the day.
service is terrible,
they're robbing everybody blind,
they don't even generate their own power,
simply overcharge the entire city of new york for their shit service.
please go choke on the smallest dick in the world."

Prosperity Dumpling
New York, NY
"i used to live in this neighborhood.
and i'd always go here with the intention of eating dumplings to black out.
so, my idiot friend, ron, and i often set out and order 3 orders of fried dumplings each.
douse each one of them in an assload of sriracha,
grab two beverages,
find a stoop where we'd like to destroy our bowels,
and eat eat eat till next thing we know we're waking up in the street dizzy and nauseous wondering what time it is."

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